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Still no closure.... posted May 21st 2005, 1:30PM
| Mood: About to EXPLODE! | Music: Limp Bizkit - Boiler, Papa Roach - Done With You |
Well, after careful thinking, the events over the last...7 months at least and some recent statements straight from the idiot's mouth, i've come to this conclusion: Looking back, i can't see why i ever loved him.
Now i've had time, the break i wanted; taken a step back and looked....i just can't believe everything he's done over the period of time we've known each other and i was blind to it... (about a year and a half now...)
Practical rape, if not actual. Mental torture, physical torture, caused my psychosis...the funny thing is, he may blame me for "wrecking the relationship" but everything all boils down to him....it isn't my fault alot of the stuff that happened, happened, and it's his own damn fault he's hurt himself so much. With what he's said recently, it confirms that to him, it never was a relationship, he never really loved me, never cared....basically he's just used me, raped me....and it looks like he was cheating on me with Pat for a while, as he changed soon after he met him and he apparently got all cuddley but Mohan stopped him, so he claims....yeah right.
I should've known Pat would be the main fuck-up point. The one single thing i thought i could trust Mohan not to do, and he did it. He cheated on me, THEN he left me announcing it on DA, THAT is why I'VE made everything public. All my actions are a direct result of his....every action has an equal and opposite reaction...if only he'd remembered that he wouldn't have got himself in so much shit.
Everything now looks so planned, so suspicious, even the log file i read of him and Pat....the CMOS had been reset, causing the dates to fuck up....but it's pretty obvious it's cheating, which is being unfaithful.
Also, there is no way he was a virgin before he met me...i mean come on, masturbating at least 5 times a day, gets drunk alot (hope his liver fails) and SO horny to the point where he like....practically raped me, and that's happened more than once....virgin? Yeah right.
What he's done to me is similar to what he told me he did to Georgina, but she didn't love him enough to try and make contact again...i did, sadly.
If having anal sex really wasn't that important like he said, why did he keep doing it? Yeah i felt bad for not really being able to...but raping me? Being so rough? Not even using lube sometimes? Slamming 3 fingers in me the second time we met? That REALLY fucking hurt me, i bled too.
You know, if he's got himself HIV i'll just laugh, i was clear before i was with Mohan and have never cheated physically, or at all theoretically though he'll try and say otherwise.
Long story short, he's the worst boyfriend one could ever have, a total lazy loser, a using, sponging hurtful bastard, a rapist and a thief 'cause i want the shit back he conned from me with his fucking mind games.
For him to come out with what he has, surely his mind has been poisoned? He even said he thinks our parents are trying to make us hate each other...obviously it's worked with him, he's so unbelievebly naive, stupid and lacking the most basic common sense and logic. I mean jesus, he says "he knows" his parents were looking out for him...hah? Yeah, his mum MAYBE, I mean she even talked to me but his dad was looking out for him so much he got an MOT faked for that bag of wank car that wouldn't even be running if it wasn't for me and my dad, IT FAILED ON 5 POINTS all of them easily fatal! NO back brakes etc...that's caring? If he cared, he'd have replaced all the parts, fucking hell....if the thick twat doesn't see the only ones controlling him are his parents then he really is fucking thick. I didn't think i could be controlled and I don't control people either, he manipulated and controlled me a lot...bastard.
Almost everything is his damn fault and i'm fucking sick of taking the blame for things that aren't my fault or i had no control over just to protect him. Fuck it, time it was all out, no?
In short, fuck him, wish i'd never met him, not gonna try and kill myself anymore over such a heartless monster!
Oh but wait, everything's a lie. Even though he's seen evidence saying it's real, witnessed it, even created it, it's a lie....lol Does he realise how stupid he keeps making himself look? I see no evidence disproving what i'm saying, and because he's such a mardy coward he'll never prove me wrong. I was willing to give him another chance and everything....bah! Fuck the loser, innit.
Oh and apparently he doesn't love me anymore. If that's true he never loved me in the first place! You can't just drop the feelings he apparently had, they go deep and strong and when my UNCLE said that to him ON THE PHONE he even agreed! For fuck sake, what's wrong with him? He doesn't even know what's up himself! (Haha...unintended pun, he'll probably claim he thought Pat was me 'cause he was delusional or some shit...get it? He doesn't know what's up him...hahahaha...okay, bad joke) Jesus...
I just wish i'd chucked the prat out when i was gonna, i should've known things to come. I should've payed attention to my dog. My parents, friends, family should've said something at least! I was blind to so much but now i can see it...and i tell you one thing, i wish i was still blind.
Infact, i wish i'd never met him (and that was thanks to that fucking asshole Leon, makes sense Mohan's friends with all the dickheads, really.) then i would be dead. I don't thank the cunt for saving my life. He took my life, fooled me into thinking he'd made it better, worth living when infact all he's done is fuck it, and me, up more. Far, far worse than ever before...
And i still want my stuff back, the heartless monster ain't keeping it! He doesn't deserve it, and manipulated me just to get it. Also, pretended to be nice and shit on MSN just to "keep me quiet" i mean jesus, what he did between the 20th and 31st of Jan was fucking horrible too.
He did more bad things than i ever have or could, if he loved me he wouldn't have done half of what he has, and he did the one thing i thought, i trusted he would never, ever do! THAT wrecked the relationship completely, NOT ME. I really can't believe i took him back after he'd done that...can't believe he didn't tell me he was actually LEAVING me 'till AFTER he'd slept with Pat!!! What a fucking asshole, eh?
Love to know what's going on in his mind, but i don't think he has one. In all my life i've never met anyone so dumb, stupid, thick to the world....lacking so much common sense and logic it's enough to make you go psycho...
Does he not SEE it's his PARENTS that's turned him against me? He doesn't really feel that way about me....he even said MONTHS ago he thought our parents were trying to make us hate each other...looks like it worked on him!
Remember, all my actions are a direct result of his...every action has an equal and opposite reaction...did i already say that? I forget...
What i really laugh at....he's fucked up his own life in the process...if he had just simply GOT A JOB and stayed we would've been fine and he wouldn't be broke, and i wouldn't have had to SELL STUFF to keep the lazy bastard living with me. There were SO many jobs available, offered him on a fucking platinum platter...but no, he wanted to slob around in my room. And he dare question why i can't get a job when he KNOWS i'm disabled? Oh yeah, that's another thing that pissed me off alot...how often he doubted me, yet i believed every word he said, never questioned it...asked questions, sure, but never actually questioned the validity of this, that and the other (virginity, etc)
It's...it's like there's a different set of rules for him and me...like say we'd had an argument, i was crying, he was "mad" i couldn't expect him to hug me yet when it was the other way around, he was crying and i was mad, i was -expected- to give him a hug...hah! Loser....he's a mummy's boy, too. Fuck it, why doesn't he just fuck his mum, dad and sister? Add more people to that list he's got of people he's fucked/fucked over!...i'm honoured, my name'll appear twice! Like Georgina's, i should imagine. You know, i'd love to talk to her...
Lets face it, if he really hadn't done all this, he would've proven me wrong by now, which is very easy to do but cannot be done via words, only actions. So far, all he's done is prove it right, been caught out lying and contradicting himself so many times...i can't believe what he said to my face when he left was lies...but it was, him and his mind games, the manipulative twat. He even had Ian wondering if i was telling the truth or not....THAT is how manipulative he can be.
P.S. Chances of the twat having HIV are at around 90%, as well as many other things. Pat's more than likely to have that, he is afterall your "average" gay slut. I can see why they'd be attracted to each other though...they're both assholes! Haha.
I'd just love to know why us soft twats get shit on so much? Do people like dickhead get kicks out of hurting us? I think so...
Also turns out that the dickhead was manipulating Ian into thinking i was lying ALOT more than i originally thought. I've just found out he got Ian to block my email address which explains why he was "ignoring" me! That's how manipulative the shit is, even though Ian had met me IRL twice before, never met dickhead, was only text on a screen to him, somehow dickhead managed to get him to believe his lies....just like he did me, and countless others! Well, i've got all the evidence i'll ever need to show how much of a lying cunt he is, and more than enough people on my side, that have SEEN what he's like in person, to get him fucked to hell and back!
This furthermore proves it's all true...he even tried it with Fang and Wolfy, and i think he succeeded on turning Lev against me....he was a great guy, too...but apparently easily manipulated.
Anyway, enough drivel, and i think i repeated myself a few times... o.O
Peace,
Lee |
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chaoshusky Says: (Mar 26th 2005, 9:25PM)
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I'm so fucking sick of idiots spreading lies, and accusing me of doing something so low.
Mohan knows i HATE attention, yeah i'd make up loads of shit and stick to it, right-o. I'm not like Mohan. He loves doing that, lying and shit. |
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